The Great Debate - or Not!

My beautiful fiance published a post on her blog that was very, well intriguing to say the least. First I love the fact that we have varying perspectives on many aspects of life and everything in between. However when it comes to the "tradition" of marriage we are to keep simple (different)!

Truth is I was in a failed relationship, and was completely disengaged from my now ex-wife in the latter years of our marriage (17 Years). I hated every minute of not being fulfilled in a relationship I

Click image "Hey Sis" Blog

vowed before God to honor and respect. However, I saw my marriage license and vow as a contract that symbolized my commitment as a husband. As a man I take my responsibilities serious, and continue to feel that a man is bound to his word, which was represented by the marriage license I signed. It was gut wrenching to contemplate divorcing myself from not only my marriage, but also my "word." I felt like as a man I failed to uphold the very nature of my masculinity and the essence of my manhood by not honoring my "word" to remain committed even though I new the marriage was over. How could I look my children in the face, especially my sons, and contradict what I have taught them all their lives about honoring your word. I know, I know, I still bounced! I don't regret pursuing my happiness with a women I truly love. But I still believe in the principle of honor as it relates to commitment, even if conditions aren't favorable for that commitment to thrive (at least for a good minute).

I understand my (boo thang's) perspective. And trust me I respect her position. But I believe as a man, and particularly as a PND, it's imperative that I impart some principles that guide my kid's ability to honor their commitments. AND use wisdom in determining when to disengage from any relationship (situation) that prohibits there fulfillment as a person.

The Great Debate from my perspective is how to honor your commitment to yourself while respecting those who have based "their" commitment off of your actions. I'm committed to Ms. "Hey Sis" because she's dope, and I've learned to commit to my damn-self first above all others. I believe my fiance is committed the same way, and that is no "Debate."

“She just wants her daughter to be happy”

Disclaimer: Ok, so this blog post is completely off brand! All my PNP hustlers please indulge me this one post to get this out. I promise you if you read this blog, and contemplate the content, I believe you will be immensely intrigued. Preciate you for understanding My G!

“She just wants her daughter to be happy!...” I can't get that statement out of my mind. My fiance is internally conflicted about how to reunite her daughter with the extended family of her ex-husband. At the end of the day who can fault a mother for wanting her child to be happy. What parent wouldn't do every thing in their ability to facilitate a happy life for their child. In many blended families experiencing happiness is a priority for every member of the family – including the kids. The difficulty in pursuing happiness, and not purpose is that happiness is circumstantial. Happiness is also self indulgent. Happiness, additionally, is conditional upon the internal desires and feelings of the one seeking satisfaction. No one person or situation can truly “make' you happy. Happiness is an elusive ideal that lulls your ability to perceive reality. When you can't consciously conceive the idea that life isn't designed to afford you happiness, then you misappropriate the prevailing forces of the universe that are conflicting you to purpose. To the degree you are aware of the space of time you occupy, will be the degree to which you become consciously aware of your purpose. Without purpose happiness is a distraction. Happiness void of discipline contradicts the instinctive evolution of life. The convergence of purpose and awareness of time produces power to live without the need for happiness. What is the need for happiness when you are consciously dead to your purpose?

I'm conflicted about how to completely support my fiance's effort to allow her daughter to resume relationships with people who's sole desire is to only make her happy. I'm sure her extended family members love her daughter. I'm sure they just want to have some semblance of a relationship with the little girl. After all those are her peoples, and that's all the family she really knows. But at what cost to the child? And at what cost to the relationship my fiance is attempting to build with her daughter? There has been no affirmation, nor acknowledgment of my fiance's position as a mother to ultimately determine what relationships are crucially necessary for her daughter by anyone from the extended family. This is one of the major factors in my fiance seeking full custody of her daughter. If her ex-husband doesn't completely respect her as a mother, how can I offer support to my fiance in allowing her daughter continuing relationships with those who are directly related to him. They're not going to disown there son. Nor would I suggest they do so. The conundrum for me is that as a PNP I have pretty much no direct influence. I have no legal rights because I have not adopted the child as my own. I also want my fiance's daughter to be happy. But I desire that (all) her relationships direct her to fulfill her highest potential, and I have yet to see evidence of that occurring with the man she knows as her dad. Unfortunately, parenting today is focused on the temporal acquisition of things and experiences that make kids happy. Too often this defeated focus ill-prepares kids to actualize their true independence - which is the antithesis of real life.

They Still Not Feelin' Me Though...

So 3 days a week I drop off the girls to school. It's literally a 3 minute drive from the crib, but whatever, I do it anyway. When the girls started the new school year I walked them to their class every morning. I felt proud to walk with the girls to class. I felt it really added to my PNPism'! When the girls felt comfortable enough that they could find their way to class, and the school lady kept asking for my damn I.D. everyday, I just walked them to the front door of the school. I always gave them hugs and told them some encouraging statement before they walked off. My G, I felt like I was on my father s#%t, and building a strong relationship with the girls. Bruh, let me tell you, before I left for work, I woke them janks up, made sure they were presentable for school, fed them breakfast, and then walked them to school (that walking s#%t quickly stop though My G).

Everything seemed to be going well with the girls. But I noticed that they started giving me that "half

homie hug" in the mornings. The girls are pretty affectionate, so in my mind "I was like what the hell going on?" Which is another reason why I started giving them hugs in the morning. I've always felt a need to protect my personal space when it came physical contact with kids, especially little girls. So out of respect for my finance, I carefully watched how I showed physical affection to the girls (outside of horseplay around the house). But I knew the next level of my PNP relationship with the girls would be becoming more attuned to their need for physical affection. So I implemented the hugs a my strategy to get closer to the girls.

As the school year past, the girls didn't seem to care so much about hugging. It got to a point where they would basically brush up against me to insinuate some type of "hug." My n!gg@ I starting thinking to myself these lil chics are amazing. I knew they were aware of the lil half s#%t they was doing, but I felt like I had to keep it "G", so I didn't say s#%t. But as soon as their momz picked them up from school, they would hug her like she just got out of prison or something.

So today when we got to school we were a little early. We sat in the hallway near the office until the bell ranged. Once the bell ranged these lil janks hugged each other, the oldest girl gave me the same half a$$ hug, and youngest jolted down the hall like it was pay day. I was like daaaaamn, that's what it is now?!

You can tell and sense a great deal if you pay attention to kids. For some this huggin' thing is not a big deal. But for those who are blending families, it's a good indication of the health of your relationships. As as PNP you got to understand that kids are not going to be very expressive of the personal feelings. My G it's important to maintain an attentive eye with the seedlings. Because just when you think you've come a long way with kids, they'll show you in some areas "they still not feelin' yo a$$!"

Oh!, So (I'm) showing favorites!!!

Between my ex-wife and my fiance, I have 8 kids that I have some connection or relationship with. The only bio-kid that lives with me is my 19 month old son. So my fiance has really only seen me in daddy action, for the most, is with our 19 month old lil man. Needless to say, but our parenting styles are vastly different from each other. Neither one of us are "touchy feely." We both are very affectionate with our son, but hell he's a baby. She kiss and hug on that lil n!gg@ like her a$$ about to go to prison next week! So when my youngest bio-daughter (affectionately known as "lil boo") comes over to the crib, I'm all kisses and hugs too.

Lil' boo is (6) and my fiance's joints are (5) & (9) years old. They are all girls, and do crazy lil girl fatherly energy" to match that of her girls. It's cool because I make it do what it do. My PNP swagg is off the meter!

ish. I genuinely love them all. I have grown to love my fiance's daughters more than I anticipated over the last couple years. However, my fiance's daughters are used to a lot tougher parenting than Lil' boo. She is very tender hearted, and very low energy for a 6 year old. However, my fiance's kids are quite different. I've had to adjust my "

My fiance and I got into a heated argument about a big a$$ lie Lil' boo told on her. We don't tolerate any form of lying from the kids (period). You get yo a$$ bust in our crib for lying. We simply don't play the s#%t. Lil' boo told her momz that my finance tried to pick her up from school one day. My baby momz and fiance are not on speaking terms, so that ish was a big deal My G! Once I found out from my baby momz what was up, I talked to my daughter the next time I saw her about what why she lied. She didn't have any excuse - at all! She just plain ol' lied! I was like "damn Lil' Boo trying to f#%k my s#%t up with my lady?" My fiance was heated, but she remained cool so she could see what I was gonna do. I talked to my daughter, and explained how disappointed I was with her. I also let her know that if she did anything like that again, I would spank her. I've probably only spanked my daughter like once her whole life. So when I said that I would spank her, she started crying like I whipped her a$$. I made her apologize to my fiance. I thought that ish was over. But it wasn't - not by a long shot my n!gg@!

My fiance wanted me to whip my daughter's backside. Because that's the rules of "our" crib. And my finance felt like she is "included" in the fam, so she should get the same treatment. I told her that was dumb as hell My G! My daughter don't live with us, and as a practice I give "all" the kids warnings before any type of spanking. I'm sensitive and aware that as a PNP that I can't just go around whippin' a$$ no matter what the f#%k going. But I do whip a$$! My lady felt I was wrong for not spanking Lil' boo. And that turned into a big a$$ family discussion about how I show favoritism to my daughter.

My n!gg@ let me hit to this, as long as you taking care of another man's kid(s), and providing for them before your bio-kids, can't nobody say s#%t to you about favoritism (period)! 

Now when your bio-joints live with you that's different. But until then, as long as you're fair, you do your PNP s#%t! Because as a PNP your commitment is commensurate of any father (hands down). Ain't no f#%kin' favorites when you faithfully and responsibly handlin' your business as a father. I salute you My G for being a stand up dude that put it down for kids you love, but know ain't yours. That's a real man, that's bomb-a$$ PNP!

She think what she do and what I do is equal - N!gg@ please!

First of all their ain't too many women I've ever known that can out work me. Both my grandmothers, and my momz are the hardest working woman I've ever met. I get a great deal of my work ethic from seeing these women bust a$$ pretty much all of their lives. My Pops, even though I didn't grow up in the house with him, I've heard legendary stories from my maternal grandmother about how hard of a worker he was even as a teenager. I said all that s#%t to say I'm one of 2 of the hardest working n!gg@s I know, and I just told you the first one!

So let me beak it down to you real simple dawgg - your woman should compliment your grind, but her contribution to the fam will never be equal to yours (period)! My G, first of all I'm 17 years older than my fiance. So there is a huge generational gap between us. So in terms of personal and family values there are quite a few differences. But I always thought hard work was universal! I had no f#%kin' clue you had motivate a whole adult person to get up and grind and for themselves. What type of ish is that? My peoples didn't raise me like that, so it's hard for me to understand anything from an able bodied person that looks and smells like laziness.

I'm an entrepreneur (in every sense of the word), so I work at the crib. It was a 2 year decision, brought on by some life changing experiences, that finally produced the courage I needed to pursue my calling as a career. So I expect my grind to be on different level than my fiance's. That's a given! However, when it comes to the crib, I put in work (hard)! I fully expect my fiance to contribute to managing how our household functions. We have 3 kiddos. We got a lil  joint together, and she has 2 daughters. All the kids are single digit ages, so there is a lot of work to do all the f#%kin time. And with 2 girls, ages (5) & (9), them joints be off the chain errrday! I cook, clean, wash clothes (and fold them s#%ts), do dishes, grocery shop, change stank a$$ diapers, drop off/pick up from school, discipline kids, have play time, cut grass, take out trash, get my bio-daughter errrother weekend plus 2 days during the week, chase after my 19 month old, and still stay a fly a$$ n!gga! And then still make time to write books and other material for my businesses. My G, ain't nothing left for my fiance to do (except hair)!

I used to catch fire about the inequality of work load in our crib. But the truth is I view my fatherhood as a calling, not just a 18 year part time job! That's why as a PNP it is important to get your props for what you do. They ain't giving out no PNP awards! I do this s#%t because I love it My G! So don't let your lady fool you with that fake a$$ talk about how tired she is. Tell her you're a PNP - the hardest job in the world!

PreNup Pops - What the hell is that?!

What's good fam? If you are looking for a lame a$$ blog about being a simp dad, you are in the wrong place. For real bruh, this blog is for my "G's" that bust they a$$ to raise kids in a not so

traditional household. If you are living with your woman, and support her in some parenting capacity, but not married, then this blog is for you! I can tell you now that I don't give 2 s#%ts about being politically correct, nor sensitive to people's feelings. What I do passionately care about is being a strong, effective, empowering dad! Currently, I'm a PNP. PNP stands for PreNup Pops. Many people ask me "what the hell is a PreNup Pops?"

Let me help you with something right from the jump – don't nobody care nothing about yo lil father-figure role you play with your girlfriend's kids. You are a PNP my n!gg@. That's a term I use to refer to them dudes that work just as hard, if not harder, than the bio-dads to raise their muthaf#%kin' kids. It's stands for Prenup Pops. It's a title for us hard working n!gg@s that f#%kin' take on all the responsibilities of a father before actually saying “I do.” Man its cool! I ain't trippin,! A lot of us men have been PnP's at some point. “You just can't stay there my G – you just can't stay there!”                                         

- excerpt from my book "Ain't Nobody Coming - Chronicles of a PreNup Pops" 

Let's face it. Many households are blended, and in many of those cribs the couples are not even married. Raising another n!gg@'s kid(s) ain't easy dawgg! Being a PNP is more complex than being a traditional dad. It's not quite a step-dad, and is far more riskier than being a "baby-daddy." I'm so sick of reading the same ole fatherhood crap that never addresses the f#%kin' issues I face errrday! There are some issues that are similar to "blended families", but when you're living with your kids momz who also has additional joints that are not yours, that ish becomes complicated super quick My G. The truth of the matter is that a PNP is just as much a father as any other dad. Real talk, PNP's parenting game has to stay one hun'ed 24/7. PNP's are held to a higher standard than bio-dads, and you can't get got slippin' or that's your a$$!

 My hope with this blog is to provide some much needed content for My G's who are earnestly working hard to be the best father-figure they can. I want to provide discourse that engages n!gg@s who otherwise would be left out of the larger conversation because our brand of fathering gets overlooked. We got issues too dawgg, and we're gonna talk about them s#%ts in a way that we understand!

I can’t stand chump-a$$ dudes that really ain’t bout that parenting life trying to inform another struggling dude about how to make it as a father-figure. If you ain’t in the game, keep steppin’ because I really don’t have time nor patience for some simple BS’ness you don’t even use your damn yourself. I can’t live in fear, nor believe in some hype that surrogate-fathering gets better with time. At my lowest point as a PNP I realized Ain’t Nobody Coming to save you’re a$$ and bail you out of ish! When you realize it’s all on you then you can boss-up and face PNP parenting like a real MAN!

          - excerpt from my book "Ain't Nobody Coming - Chronicles of a PreNup Pops"

Welcome to The PreNup Pops - Urban Fatherhood for Prenuptial Dads!!!